i'll eat you up, I love you so....

Today I've finally "let it all go." The past few weeks I've been angry, moody, judgmental and just plainly ungrateful. It's affected my relationship with family, friends and co-workers.  Most of you know our struggles with infertility and as much has it pains me to talk about it I'm done letting it control me. It consumes me enough with doctor visits, medications, and tracking. I won't let it destroy the happiness in front of me. 

This weekend I had the opportunity to spend some time with my patient, gracious and giving husband. Sometimes I think in infertility we overlook their struggle too. Now I'm not saying this is every couple but for me it has. 

His been by my side for every failed attempt, negative pregnancy test, painful injections and discouraging news. And how does he take it, you ask? Whelp with patience, grace and love for me. He holds me tight, tells me I'm a beautiful daughter of God, reminds me that it's not the end and that will keep trying tell we are told we cannot conceive. Of course in all this I'm in tears, frustrated and probably yelling. Yet he stands their firm, quiet, still and by my side. 

The lord has given me a man that I sometimes think I don't deserve but I don't know where I'd be without him. This photo below "I'll eat you up, I love you so," couldn't be more true.

Letter and Picture Frame from Michael's
"i'll eat you up, i love you so" Where the Wild Things Are -From Love to Design.
Giveaway for the Where the Wild Things Are design on my Instagram  

I've been letting all this infertility eat me up completely. I refuse to continue this way. In the weeks coming I plan to smile a little more, laugh, breathe and remember I was given a companion whom loves and cares for me. Family and friends whom offer support and comfort. No matter what I'm not alone and whatever happens is Gods plan. Here's to eating the world up with love and appreciation. 

New Year, New Adventure

NEW YEAR.......Wow I can't believe I haven't posted in a few weeks, what a slacker I am. Whelp we spent the holidays with family, treats and laughs. We rang in the New Year with family, playing board games and darts. 2015 was the best year to date. I married my best friend.

Now coming into the new year we were given the news that we would struggle with infertility and that it won't be easy for us to have babies. As devasting as this was to hear we have not lost hope.

Yesterday we made a very big step into creating our family. We sat down with a Foster/Adpotive Family Recruiter. My husband comes from a blended family of step, half and foster/adoptive siblings. I adore his family. His parents especially for creating such happiness for his siblings. 

We know the goal of fostering is to replace the child back with their own family. This is something we understand extensively. I know that in my heart if it's the right place for them to be the lord will make it happen.

Now we haven't stopped hoping for children of our own, quite the opposite. This is something that we've prayed about, creating our own family, our father in heaven has pointed us into this direction. In due time I know will have children but there are several ways to have a family, this is just one. Kirk and I have talked with our parents about this and all are supportive and on board.

We are so excited for this next step. It's a lengthy process to start but it should be. My husband and I haven't been closer. This next chapter is a blessing our father in heaven has asked of us and we are more then willing to participate. Any that is interested in what we are doing check out, http://utahfostercare.org their page has all the you need to look into it and find answers to questions or strike your curisoty