i'll eat you up, I love you so....

Today I've finally "let it all go." The past few weeks I've been angry, moody, judgmental and just plainly ungrateful. It's affected my relationship with family, friends and co-workers.  Most of you know our struggles with infertility and as much has it pains me to talk about it I'm done letting it control me. It consumes me enough with doctor visits, medications, and tracking. I won't let it destroy the happiness in front of me. 

This weekend I had the opportunity to spend some time with my patient, gracious and giving husband. Sometimes I think in infertility we overlook their struggle too. Now I'm not saying this is every couple but for me it has. 

His been by my side for every failed attempt, negative pregnancy test, painful injections and discouraging news. And how does he take it, you ask? Whelp with patience, grace and love for me. He holds me tight, tells me I'm a beautiful daughter of God, reminds me that it's not the end and that will keep trying tell we are told we cannot conceive. Of course in all this I'm in tears, frustrated and probably yelling. Yet he stands their firm, quiet, still and by my side. 

The lord has given me a man that I sometimes think I don't deserve but I don't know where I'd be without him. This photo below "I'll eat you up, I love you so," couldn't be more true.

Letter and Picture Frame from Michael's
"i'll eat you up, i love you so" Where the Wild Things Are -From Love to Design.
Giveaway for the Where the Wild Things Are design on my Instagram  

I've been letting all this infertility eat me up completely. I refuse to continue this way. In the weeks coming I plan to smile a little more, laugh, breathe and remember I was given a companion whom loves and cares for me. Family and friends whom offer support and comfort. No matter what I'm not alone and whatever happens is Gods plan. Here's to eating the world up with love and appreciation. 

New Year, New Adventure

NEW YEAR.......Wow I can't believe I haven't posted in a few weeks, what a slacker I am. Whelp we spent the holidays with family, treats and laughs. We rang in the New Year with family, playing board games and darts. 2015 was the best year to date. I married my best friend.

Now coming into the new year we were given the news that we would struggle with infertility and that it won't be easy for us to have babies. As devasting as this was to hear we have not lost hope.

Yesterday we made a very big step into creating our family. We sat down with a Foster/Adpotive Family Recruiter. My husband comes from a blended family of step, half and foster/adoptive siblings. I adore his family. His parents especially for creating such happiness for his siblings. 

We know the goal of fostering is to replace the child back with their own family. This is something we understand extensively. I know that in my heart if it's the right place for them to be the lord will make it happen.

Now we haven't stopped hoping for children of our own, quite the opposite. This is something that we've prayed about, creating our own family, our father in heaven has pointed us into this direction. In due time I know will have children but there are several ways to have a family, this is just one. Kirk and I have talked with our parents about this and all are supportive and on board.

We are so excited for this next step. It's a lengthy process to start but it should be. My husband and I haven't been closer. This next chapter is a blessing our father in heaven has asked of us and we are more then willing to participate. Any that is interested in what we are doing check out, http://utahfostercare.org their page has all the you need to look into it and find answers to questions or strike your curisoty

New Life Twist

LIFE-CHANGE.....So I know it's been awhile since I've posted. It's be a rough several months. My husband and I thought we were pregnant, but only to fine out that I had PCOS, probably for most of my life but it just recently started to act up, which will make getting pregnant very difficult and that we would struggle with infertility.  PCOS is short of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. It is a problem in which a woman's hormones  are out of balance. 

Now this instant a death sentence. Gosh I wish I would of told myself that before. I won't lie I got very upset/discouraged and even blamed my father in heaven. I blamed myself for not having seeing the signs sooner as well.  

I have done everything right, why this, why me? I was just walking in the motions. I'd go to church take the sacrament, avoid talking to members and just keep to myself. I hadn't gone to the temple in months and my very supportive husband said, we need to go, so I did. I cried through the whole session. I was no longer mad with my father, for he has not forsaken me. He won't give us trials that we cannot handle.

I was finally ready to share my story, I bore my testimony in relief society (so glad they brought that back) about my struggles. You can't believe how much better you feel when you just let it out. Although I don't know why this is my trial, I'm now, not angry anymore but plan to be a better wife, sister, granddaughter, friend, co-worker and someday a mother. I plan to become healthy in every aspect of my life and try to be a better me and with the love and support from you all I know I can be happy in my new life adventure.

I'm now ready to share this with you all. I feel like this is the first step to getting better, by telling my story. I've been working hard with my doctor, husband and family. I know this road won't be easy but I know with the strength from my father above I can do anything. Even if it's to just cry when I can't take that next step. I got this. 

Radiology Technology

Alexandra Larson RT (R)

MY JOB.......So what do I for a living? I'm a Radiology Technologist and currently cross-training in CT. I have been for 2.5 years. I received my education at Weber State University. I completed 2 years of prerequisites, got my Associates of Science and applied to the outreach Weber State Radiology Technology Program with my clinical site at Evanston Regional Hospital, my first time and was accepted. I completed 1500 clinical hours, 132 competencies and 25 educational courses.
In my profession we are often called "glorified button pushers." Whelp, we are NOT just glorified button pushers. We are required to do more clinical hours than most medical fields including Nurses mind you and there with the patient longer then us (not a dish on RN's, they are just as important.) This is not just X-ray, but CT, MRI, Ultrasound, Cath and Nuc Med Techs which all require extensive clinical and educational training.

         

      Student Radiology Tech

Graduation 2013

                                           

This past week was Radiology Technology Week which striked my blog post for this week. I work 40 plus hours a week and sometimes feel like the Radiology Department is treated as the "red headed step child." Sometimes I wish we were more appreciated and respected for our hard work, time and knowledge. Our profession isn't as easy as everyone thinks. 

What my kitchen table looked like after studying for my boards!

                                      

We must position patients accurately for diagnostic images for accurate results, transfers patients twice our weight, think of the proper radiation techniques, push around portables/c-arms to provide care (and yes there heavy most of us have run over ourselves or someone elses toes and it hurts) provide efficient quality care (not as easy as it sounds, considering we have to move an already hurting patient around to achieve our images) and lastly but most importantly we expose ourselves to radiation, of course we take all the major precautions, but we still get a dose. Then on top of all this keep up with new technology and continuing education. 

URST Fall Conference 2015

                                       

I'm not saying all this to start debate or say hey look at us but, we love what we do and rather then be called a "glorified button pushers" or unappreciated remember that without use where would patient care be. Just THINK, we're would we be without the entire Radiology Department, really think about it. Could we last a whole day without them???......It's an IMPORTANT diagnostic tool for doctors to treat our patients. So why not treat them so, I'm I right!!! (Had to add some sass.) I respect all medical professions, our jobs aren't easy and we need each other to do it. This is someone's life, family member, friend and loved one. 

To all my fellow techs. I hope you had an awesome week. Cause REMEMBER, they can't do it without us.

HAPPY NATIONAL RADIOLOGY TECHNOLOGY WEEK. 

                                 

Farewell "lil" Sis

MISSIONARY......I had the opportunity to spend time with my family and sister this weekend. My sister was called to serve in the Manchester, New Hampshire Mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. My husband and I were able to help plan and attend her farewell and luncheon. If you had asked me two years ago if this would happen I would have told you no. She as worked her butt off to get where she is today. I'm so very proud of all the hard work she has done to be able to go, because it's been a tough one. We grew up in an inactive family, she was the first to ask back when Kirk was just a fling to me, questions about the church and he sat with her and explained and used his own missionary skills on her. Her road has been difficult but this weekend when I listened to her speak I knew in my heart that she has let the lord help her grow into a beautiful, spiritually mature women. It was wonderful to see everyone come and support her. There were more than 50 people in my parents home, a little crowded, but totally worth it. She was able to see how many people supported and loved her, especially the group shown below.  The YSA group has grown so much since my husband and I left it.  I'm so very proud of all the hard work that has been spent with this group and their wonderful spirits to keep it going strong.

Evanston YSA 

   

Luncheon with Family and Friends

We were able to grab brunch this morning. Our brunch dates are very laid back, lounge wear, no makeup, no fancy hair do and flip flops at Judy's Diner in Evanston, WY (if your ever in Evanston, hit it up, there breakfast menu is all day and delicious.)  We've done this for years and today while at brunch it hit me, that she'll be gone for a 18 months. Now it doesn't seem that long but when we have these type of traditions it seems like eternity. My selfishness kicked in needless to say but, then I looked at her and remembered she is doing this for the lord. She's dedicating her time, strength and testimony with the world and I couldn't be more proud, my heart is full. I'll miss this tradition but hey it'll keep more money in my pocket (cause I always pay, "hey i'm the big sister," its my job) and maybe keep me, a little thinner. 

Last Sister Date for 18 Months
at Judy's Diner

1, 2, 3......6 Months Down, Eternity to GO!

Wedding Day; April 24th, 2015 

TEMPLE MARRIAGE.........If you would have asked me 5 years ago, if I'd marry in the LDS temple, I would have laughed in your face and said heavens no and I wouldn't have said heavens, but a word that isn't appropriate to say. I wasn't active and living a lifestyle that I'm not proud to admit, but humbly I know that when I do, it reminds me that I've grown and what I never want to become again. When I met my husband he was also inactive, I guess you could say that we saved each other, because lord knows he SAVED me.

Manti Temple

When I met my now husband as I stated before I wasn't following the word of wisdom, praying, reading my scriptures, or attending church weekly. Now it wasn't because someone offended me or that I didn't believe that the teachings were true, I very much knew that they were true in my heart, its because it was easier to not live righteously. Society today has made it easier to do so. I'm so very grateful that I had someone to stand by my side and become more spiritually fed as we were preparing to marry in the temple. It was a long and hard road to fix ourselves, but I couldn't have done it without all of the encouragement of Kirk, along with family and friends.

Kirk will never know how much he saved me back then. I cannot imagine my life without my Kirky Turkey, (yes when he reads this he won't be thrilled that I used his nickname, but I love it and its enduring from me.) When I knelt at the alter in the beautiful Manti Temple I knew right then and there I would never live another day without Kirk or my savior Jesus Christ in my life. My love has grown much more then I ever thought possible for my husband. Thus far in our marriage we have; learned to counsel each other, love more, laugh, agree to disagree, strengthen each other, trust, dance in the dinning room, pray together, read the scriptures together, walk into church hand in hand, receive callings and last but not least attend the temple regularly. These are just some of the many blessing the lord has brought to us and I know there are more to come. I can't imagine not having these blessing and not having the one man who waited ever so patiently for me as I did for him. My father in heaven brought me the man of my dreams, even though I wasn't always the strongest, but his faith in me never quit and in return I shall do the same.

Mr. and Mrs. Larson

Happy 6th Month Anniversary to us, here's to eternity.......

Spiritually Fed

General Conference.... As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints we have the opportunity to hear from our wonderful church leaders twice a year. This was our first conference as husband and wife. It was blessing to hear our general authorities give such guidance together. Throughout the week we are challenging ourselves to read/watch, ponder and pray about the information we were given. We feel spiritually fed and now it's time for us to do our part. 

"God will help you become greater then you ever thought possible"I love that, this stuck with my mind throughout all the sessions. Have I been hindering my own personal progression? Do I help my husband grow in his own spirituality? Have I noticed when the lord has helped me become better and thanked him for doing so. What can I do to help my father in heaven help me? Regardless if you are LDS, inactive, or a non member, what can you do, to better "you," your husband" and  "your family."  I challenge you to look into yourself this week.

I'm grateful and have thanked the lord for giving me the best gift thus far, a loving, supportive and priesthood holding husband. Together him and I shall follow thee and hold on to the iron rod together. 

Side note; If you'd like to hear from our leaders  visit Mormon Channel or LDS.ORG. You can also email with any thoughts or questions. I'd love to hear from you.